Booty and the Trampoline

SO as I am standing in line for the 'worst mom in the world' certificate (not far from the front); I come to admit what some moms are utterly embarrassed to.  "I LET MY KIDS WATCH TV.  and SOME DAYS I LET MY KIDS WATCH LOTS OF TV."

There.  I said it.  Now moving on...

Our daily argument between the 3 year-old and 4 year-old is, "whose turn is it to pic a show?"  My first thought is always, "we never got to pick when I was a kid!  What was on was what you got!  And you HAD to watch commercials!"  Now, my kids are used to having things 'ON DEMAND' with no commercials, or I have DVR'd the three latest of their favorite shows.  Lots of their favorite shows are on a channel with no commercials, anyway! 

Don't get me wrong - I love channels or on demands or recordings with no commercials.  Otherwise it's, "mommy, mommy, mommy, commercial.  Fast forward it!"  I have tired to teach both kids how to do this on their own but somehow it is better when I do it for them. 

The problem is that at 6:30 a.m. when I have just put the baby down for a 'nap' and my preschoolers come rolling in ready to face the day with the energy of 10,000 sugared-up fire ants, I like to put on a 24 minute show (wishing they made 45 minute shows!) and hide my head under the pillow and do what my husband and I like to call "pretending to sleep."  Pretending to sleep is a little lie I tell myself so I feel better about the loss of my former self that wouldn't dream of rolling out of bed before 6:45, even when I did have to be at work at 8a.m.  Sigh.  Commence the 24 minute show and God bless the soul who made it without commercials.

We are normally back out of bed, downstairs, breaking up fights and re-attaching limbs by 7:30 or 8a.m. on a REALLY good day.  And we keep the TV off.  Until I need to make a call. Or put the baby back down.  Or God forbid sit on the toilet by myself.  I guess the bottom line is that I use the TV as a babysitter sometimes.  Sigh (again).  I don't like to admit that.  I wish I didn't have to do that.  But the honest truth is that somewhere along the line I had 2 kids who fight like the dickens and I can't be having bite marks and missing chunks of hair on them when we go to Target.  Life is sometimes quieter and easier with TV. 

Athough I don't like the TV we watch as a babysitter, I do like family movie time.  When we finish dinner early and make a big bag of home-made popcorn (thank you sweet hubby) and plop down to watch a movie.  Cuddles and the works.  This warms my heart. 

In getting back to the title of this post; a movie that comes up in request from time to time, and has also debuted on the favorites list for a week or so at a time is "Lady and the Tramp."  Which Chex calls, "Lady and the Trampoline."  Cracks me up every time.  And I don't correct him because it is too cute.  Now, the other movie he doesn't really like is "Beauty and the Beast."  Both kids find it a bit scary I think. 

So, here we are coming down the stairs, I have not even said we could watch a movie, and they are screaming at each other and complaining about what they are and are not going to watch. (Because they think THEY are in control.  Which, I promise you, they are not.)  Chex is behind Sadie and I hear him half cry/half say, "I don't want to watch 'Booty and the Trampoline.'"  I about die laughing to myself, and my inner voice says, "me neither, buddy.  Someone would surely injure themselves in a very unpleasant location!"  Yet, I say nothing.  Stifle my snickers.  Pull out a craft.  Make a gallon of coffee, and smile at my life.  Then I consider calling Playboy and offering them the title....

Hunting Cantaloupe

The other day Chex was marveling at Sadie eating almost an entire half of a cantaloupe by herself;he didn't want to try it.  He asked me what it was called and I said, "its cantaloupe, its delicious."  His face screwed up into a wrinkled-nose-you've-got-to-be-joking kindda way and he got quiet.  (I know, its a miracle he was quiet).  A few minutes later he looks at me and says "who shot it?"  Being that several minutes had passed I turned to him in confusion.  As a blanket of clarity hit me, I started to laugh and had a hard time explaining through the giggles.

You see, I come from a hunting family; I've even killed a few deer myself, when I was a teenager (I know, suburbia hides my lethal side).  My baby sister and my dad are best hunting buddies, and this past fall/winter season they took a cross-country trip to Idaho to hunt antelope.  Are you getting the blanket of clarity?  Chex was staring at his sister in awe as she ate what he thought to be large juicy chunks of antelope and he was wondering if we had slayed and chopped it up right that very morning for every one's dining delight!  I explained the difference to him, and he seemed relieved.  (Not that the kids haven't seen deer hanging in the barn at my parents' house).  He tried the fruit and loved it.  I am glad I can teach my children something new every day :)

Welcoming thoughts....

Hi - So this is my first attempt at real blogging.  I have a photography company (www.masteringyou.com) that I run in blog form, but nothing personal.  I have wanted to do this for years; mostly since I had kids; partly as a way to record our memories and fun stories, and also to share the HILARIOUS stuff that seems to be a part of my new 'mom-normal'. 

What finally got me off my butt was my middle child and first son, Chex (ok, he's Charles Alexander....If I have to explain further, stop reading).  This week (he's 3 & we are potty training) he reverted back from the big potty to the small blue potty (that the potty fairy delivered) when his older sister had to go at the same time...well, he hit #1 and #2 and came away to look and said "look mom, poop soup!"  O.  M.  G.  I thought I would die.  Thus, the inspiration, and fire under my tush to start this blog.  I just CANNOT make this stuff up, people...and believe, me I wish I were :)

SO- Thank you Chex for bringing Mommy to this piece of life.  I am hoping to post often, not because I have horrid stories to share, but because I have funny memories that I don't want three children's worth of mommy amnesia to forget!