Monday. Monday is the day of the week that has meaning behind it. If you said, "ugg, today is totally a Tuesday" people would think you were headed to some mid-scale restaurant where kids eat free. "It's such a Monday" is a blanket statement that can be used on any day of the week (though rarely a Friday if you're lucky) to define relentless difficulties and ridiculous obstacles facing you through out the day. I suppose it's because Mondays are always hard days; the start back to work (for most) or school, and rough to come off the typical 2-day weekend. Monday is always a hard day, but any day can be a hard day and thus considered a Monday.
This particular Monday I had an ACTUAL Monday. Though I have grown to accept the fact that daily life will provide many obstacles and more then one surprise due, simply, to the number of people living in my house, I am always excited (I am lying) to see what will surprise me next. Though I have accepted the fact that chaos is the rule, not the exception, I am still thrown curve balls that seem to balloon out of control once in awhile. The thing I love about a true torture session "Monday" is that every time you think you've reached the limit or the bottom or the wall, guess what? You have not, my friend. You have not.
This Monday proved to be like most Mondays since we started back to school; the kids didn't want to go and they were violently fighting as well as moving eye-stabbingly slow. Normal. The only thing they wanted for breakfast was ice cream (really? I mean have I ever said, 'yes lets have ice cream at 8 a.m.'? I never even allow that on the weekends. I like to eat crap food but, seriously. Stop asking me for ice cream for breakfast!!), and we settled on corndogs. (A far step up from ice cream but not my choice for a breakfast food EVER; just for the record.) They fought so much and messed around so long we had to drive to school instead of walk; insert new round of fit throwing, as if it were my choice to torture my children by making them on time for school.
I finally usher everyone out of the garage, put the scooters and stroller away and head to the car. Then BOOM my car ignition won't turn; we have the type of car that the key only has to be in the car for it to start so I was hoping it was only a battery in the key issue. Luckily it was easy for me to figure out how to take the ignition and my key apart and start the car the ol' fashioned way. After two of the three were delivered safely and in a timely manner to school, with the only delay being a forgotten backpack, I headed back home to grab my coffee cup, a granola bar, the munchkin's juice cup and his lovie. I knew we may possibly be out for a long day since I had to go get the battery replaced in my key (lord knows where the second key would be, and I do like to lock my cars once in awhile); my phone needed to get into the cell phone store because it kept turning itself off (thank goodness my kids get up early because my alarm never would have gone off on my Monday); and over the weekend we discovered what we figured was a hernia on the munchkin's bits and lord knows we need to get THAT checked out. So while we waited for the pediatrician to open I decided to hit the battery shop.
Was I wrong? Was this going to be a spectacular day after all? Was the sweet battery kid who took my key, replaced my battery and charged me a whopping $3.62 my silver lining? I could have kissed that young man. I was so happy to have such a simple and inexpensive solution to something that could have been a huge pain if I had to drive to the car dealer! Yay for me!! I even got in touch with the pediatrician and got a 2pm appointment which left time for the phone store, lunch, and possibly either a visit to a friend or a nap for the midget in the backseat. Win!
Wrong.
The phone store was closed till 10a.m. so we killed time in Michaels. They had lots of crafts on clearance - win again. They did NOT have a cheap $1 car to appease my tiny person, and I refused to buy him the $15 Melissa and Doug train set again that I had just given away last week. Insert fit. Appease fit when he saw the Trolli Octopus candy! I didn't have anything else full price so I also got to use my 50% off coupon on said candies. Win. Then we changed a poop. We got of Michael's with no tears and then we headed to the phone store. They had just opened and they were swamped so I thought we could go to the bank and swing back by in 15 minutes.
My backseat munchkin was busy ingesting twelve weeks' worth of sugar eating his Trollies and he choked briefly as I pulled into the drive thru at the bank. I turned around and he seemed fine. He even smiled and went back for his next candy, so I grabbed the little tube that shoots through space and into the bank. As I was filling out my check and deposit slip he choked again and vomited. Yes I said vomited. Although he vomited only candy (much too un-chewed might I add), puke still has that puke smell. I threw the empty magic tube back into it's holder, flew out of the drive thru and into a shaded parking space. Here, as I was hopelessly trying to clean a preschooler and a cow print carseat with baby wipes, I happened upon this tidbit; FACT: baby wipes may dissipate the smell of poop on a tush but they do NOT do a lick of good to disperse the smell of puke off of or out of or away from anything. Sad but true.
I did my best. The poor kid kept saying he needed 'more wipes' and I had to convince him we'd just have to head home. I did go through the bank drive thru since I was, after all, already there and had endorsed my check. And, of course, I also had to exchange a fully ripped $20 bill I'd been carrying around for months. So needless to say, a little puke didn't keep me from one last errand. I am sure, however, that the faint stench of puke helped hurry along my process on behalf of the teller! After this exchange we skipped the phone store and lunch and our friends. We headed home. And the crib midget fell asleep. In his own puke. Gross.
I carried him inside and all the way upstairs and he didn't wake up. I already knew I was not going to leave him clothed but I thought if I put him in my bed and just de-robe him he could snuggle under the blankies in his diaper to nap. Too bad his diaper had vomit on it as well. Bleh. So we are now in a full-on change and while I am at it I might as well try to un-puke-smell his hands. Oh and change my clothes and disinfect my hands and on and on because who can stand the smell of puke even if it doesn't smell anymore, because it sure does seem like it does! So long story short he had a two hour nap in 10 minutes and was up to torture me the rest of the afternoon. At least I had the pediatrician appointment to look forward to! (I say torture not because I don't love my kid and want to spend time with him, but he is normally a huge grump with the lack of nap.)
Meanwhile, I have managed to be productive enough to call a friend's handy man to come fix a sink that has been broken for an embarrassingly long time. This would be my second silver lining; he would be over in an hour and it was going to be very reasonable to fix. Well, the poor guy showed up and it was not the easy fix he had hoped (back story: daughter dropped a necklace down my sink; sweet husband cracked the p-trap taking it apart; pipe was odd size and blah blah blah I don't understand but basically was not an easy fix even after 4 trips to 3 hardware stores.) I am pleased to announce that the handy man also admitted that it was a really tough fix and not my sweet hubby's fault at all. Something about cutting walls and pipes and maybe moving the vanity. But he could do it and it would only cost a little more money. SOLD. WIN. He was done in an hour; silver lining!! Fact: there needs to be more honest, hard working, country men who want to fix stuff at a reasonable cost, do a good job, and not make fun of you.
Next adventure: the pediatrician with not so great news. But, the tiny human was such a good boy, and we will have a follow up with the potential for some surgery. Woah. Heavy for a Monday, no? Just do not ever Google the possibilities of swollen testicle; the results are off the wall and terrifying. And I am not even a dude. Third silver lining of the day was that the little guy fell asleep on the way home and I was in time to pick up the kids from school. Plus, the pediatrician was going to have their office make all the annoying scheduling calls and let ME know where they could get him in ASAP. Win!
I am sitting and writing this now, and it all seems slightly trivial. The carseat is still part in the wash and part in the yard and maybe it will be put back sometime this week (luckily we have an extra). The phone continues to possess itself but hey, there is always tomorrow. I am thankful my kiddos do not suffer any life threatening illnesses and I can rest more easily knowing that a little hernia rarely kills anyone.
It is a fact that it can always be worse. It is a fact that I need more honest people in my life to fix my broken things (my car keys or my sink) and make me happy when they are simply doing a good job. It is a win when my kids are all safe, healthy and asleep before 9p.m. And silver linings are everywhere in each day, even if it is a Monday on the most unsuspecting day of the week.
